people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
