The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
