He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
