Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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