Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
