You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
