i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i love accidental penises.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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