If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
