she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
