things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
