sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
