Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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