So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
