just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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