I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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