i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
