anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
