wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
