Im at strip club and am horny
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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