hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
