I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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