Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the high leading the old right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
