If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
