he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
