In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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