my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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