Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
