There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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