While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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