Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
