pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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