sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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