Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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