just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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