so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
