That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
