dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You may now shotgun with the bride
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
