u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN