Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.

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(757): There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/cpsh

Replies (31) Good night (2460) Bad night (3128)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours

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(615): Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours http://tfl.nu/h5ci

Replies (10) Good night (4063) Bad night (949)
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(416): View more from Ontario

I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

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(416): I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed... http://tfl.nu/ew3h

Replies (18) Good night (1604) Bad night (4553)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex

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(717): He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex http://tfl.nu/v3ok

Replies (25) Good night (5987) Bad night (1888)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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(602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8

Replies (37) Good night (8984) Bad night (1211)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

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(704): someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation http://tfl.nu/fra5

Replies (15) Good night (4360) Bad night (1220)
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(517): View more from Michigan

She just said, "are my livers going to die?"

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(517): She just said, "are my livers going to die?" http://tfl.nu/litp

Replies (12) Good night (3339) Bad night (1172)
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(517): View more from Michigan

He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters

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(517): He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters http://tfl.nu/qui3

Replies (7) Good night (2569) Bad night (1064)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I stole so many things from the ER last night.

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(309): I stole so many things from the ER last night. http://tfl.nu/lt6b

Replies (10) Good night (2659) Bad night (1001)
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(909): View more from California

Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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(909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h

Replies (7) Good night (446) Bad night (1485)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2

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(336): He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2 http://tfl.nu/rjqf

Replies (5) Good night (2156) Bad night (584)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.

(301): View more from Maryland

Oh god, what has my life become?

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(301): I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him. (301): Oh god, what has my life become? http://tfl.nu/d6o7

Replies (6) Good night (830) Bad night (403)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.

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(847): Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken. http://tfl.nu/xu0v

Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (289)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Are you texting, crying and driving?

(216): View more from Ohio

And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.

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(440): Are you texting, crying and driving? (216): And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment. http://tfl.nu/yoif

Replies (0) Good night (309) Bad night (467)
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(239): View more from Florida

Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.

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(239): Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul. http://tfl.nu/8na0

Replies (2) Good night (414) Bad night (207)

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