I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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