I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.