first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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