Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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