32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
