so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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