I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize