if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
