Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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