You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
