do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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