This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
