Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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