Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
