What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
