When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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