At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
