Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
birth control should be required to get into college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
