everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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