He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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