You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
