decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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