After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
