She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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