True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
