Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
