I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Randomize
