I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
