Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
