Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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