I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
