I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
