What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
