It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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