Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
