TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
