either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
