i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
