I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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