I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
