Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
