Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
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You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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