im drinking this country out of the recession.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
