Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
