It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
