you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
