So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
