hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
