Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And then my night got REAL pukey
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize